Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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