He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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