Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
