I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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