FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
