if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
