you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
