and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
