Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
