hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
