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I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams