Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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(317): View more from Indiana

update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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(516): View more from New York

Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?

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(415): View more from California

dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.

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(619): View more from California

he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.

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(310): View more from California

I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle

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(954): View more from Florida

He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.

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(703): View more from Virginia

the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake

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