Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was like eating out sand paper
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
