That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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