dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
