I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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