So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
