No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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