I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
