We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
