btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
