ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
