i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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