no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
