that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
