dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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