A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
