what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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