Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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