i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize