dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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