I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
