I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
