I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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