at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
