you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
