I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
