Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
