Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
