Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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