I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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