I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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