I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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