Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
