I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
