it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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