This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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