my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
