I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize