Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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