i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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