Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize