Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
