I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
