yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
