Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He felt like a one man threesome
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
