At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
