I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
