She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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