But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
