It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
