Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
