No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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