p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
