somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
