I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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