Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
