Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
